How Can I Console Someone Grieving
Only the truth is what brings true peace and saves
The Devil Wants to Make Us Liars
It is terribly hard to truly love someone in their moment of grieving that can help them (not hurt them) and move them towards Life, while still providing them with the consolation they need to feel loved (so they know we and God, working through us, loves them). Much of the time we wind up leading the grieving right into the sin of presumption of salvation causing them to do nothing to really help the one they lost.
What happens is, the evil one pulls on our hearts of love and when we see someone hurting, he tries hard to get us to console others with a lie: misguided love. The devil wants our priorities to be seeking to make the grieving feel happy but for all the wrong reasons, which doesn’t lead them nor their loved one to Life (true happiness).
The devil just tries to make us most concerned with saying nice things…but not with trying to save souls. Please beware, much of the time, the devil, takes our love and twists it into misguided love, so we will keep or steer many souls onto the path of death.
The last thing the evil one wants is for us to pray FERVENTLY for the deceased, not after their death, as someone tells us of their loved one’s passing or if we alert others of our loved one who has died), nor during their funeral Mass (one of the greatest benefits for the dead, if truly prayed for their soul), nor throughout the rest of our lives. So the devil gets us to be concerned with the living….trying to make them feel better or with the dead….trying to make them look good to honor them.
Now, there is nothing wrong with either of those things, but reality is none of those things help the dead, which is who we should be most concerned about.
What happens is, we do those things through misguided love, forgetting what is MOST IMPORTANT….why we should be doing everything, which is for intention of helping to save souls of the living and the dead.
But how can we do that if the evil one gets us to be concerned with saying “kind” things like telling the grieving that their loved one is now resting with God in Heaven. Can we read their soul? Do we really know if they are with God? Reality is most souls aren’t resting with God in Heaven, they are suffering in eternal anguish. As horrible as this is, this is a truth we must accept if we are going to really help to save the souls of God’s children. “Many are called, but few are chosen” (Matthew 22:14).
“Very few Christians are saved” –St. Augustine
Now, of course we don’t want to ever tell someone their loved one is in Hell, since they were so rotten, to encourage the living to change their life. That doesn’t encourage anyone. Plus, we can’t read/judge anyone’s soul anyway. It is possible for even the most hardened of hearts, to be transformed by God’s grace, like the converted thief, who was crucified with Christ, and be saved at the moment of their death.
Sure, it is very rare, but it is possible and because of that, we want to give people hope in God’s mercy…not false hope, saying God’s mercy will save them, even if we don’t really seek God’s mercy to help them. But we want to encourage the grieving to make their new focus in life that of truly loving the one they lost–seeking mercy (grace) for them–so God’s mercy can help move them towards Eternal Life: the true happiness everyone has been looking for.
Educating someone about the blessing of a funeral Mass can greatly help console the grieving, with the truth, by giving them something they can really do to help the one they love.
Offering a funeral Mass for someone, who has died, is a great way we can help to save a soul of someone who has passed, since all prayers that are prayed for someone after their death are taken to the dying at the moment of their death (or to whatever point in ones life God finds is best), because God isn’t of time and space and will use every prayer and sacrifice (the grace that comes from them) to help move the dying soul into true belief in Him (a saving faith).
The funeral Mass–Requiem Mass–is such a blessing for the dead, but most tragically so few benefit from it because much of the time, it isn’t being performed correctly.
There is so much confusion as to what this Mass is intended to do. This confusion has the poor souls, who have died, missing out on the grace that was meant to help save them.
The funeral Mass can help console the grieving but the funeral Mass isn’t intended to console the grieving. It is truly meant for the DEAD. But since we are so sinful and have such great attachments to the dead, the Mass has become mostly about seeking to comfort ourselves (the living…and sadly most of the time with lies (trying to convince the grieving their loved one is Heaven).
Now, there is nothing wrong with helping to comfort those (with the truth) who are suffering from their attachments to the dead, but the Mass is truly for the dead.
But from being deceived, we think we are helping the dead with all of the wonderful things we say about them…and again there is nothing “wrong” with thanking God for the ones we love or saying nice things about them, but does saying one nice thing help someone who is dead? No. That helps us alone.
Yet, saying nice things isn’t the problem, especially if we are trying to help others (the living) to emulate the life of someone who has truly followed Christ and has most likely become a beautiful saint of Our Lord, as we try to help save souls of the living by giving them a real person today to follow. However today, that shouldn’t be done, because we live in a time of great darkness and suffer from great deception, we will have a hard time knowing true sanctity and could easily misguide others to follow someone who is actually lost.
But regardless oh, how few have shown any sign of becoming a real self-sacrificing saint–someone who is truly living the faith?
When attending the funeral Mass, if we don’t understand what the word “believe” means, then the prayers at the funeral Mass are going to deceive us into thinking anyone who is Catholic or even any denomination of Christian who “believes” is saved. But that is just not true.
We are only saved if we grow in faith to obtain true/perfect contrition for every one of our sins by the time of our death. We must have “true” belief in Christ…a belief so great that Jesus is Lord that we love God above ourselves and prove it by our actions. Yes, we need a belief that–if we have another moment to live–we would sincerely do or suffer anything rather than commit the slightest offence against God ever again.
This is the kind of faith that accepts God’s saving forgiving mercy…not a faith the recommits the same sins over and over again from not even being willing to put for any effort to stop offending God, never mind our greatest efforts…a faith willing to suffer anything rather than offend Him. To learn more please read the home page article of this web-site.
But even for those, who have grow wonderfully through God’s love towards sanctification, and (as far as we can tell) would rather suffer death than offend God, we should still never presume salvation/sanctification….hope in it, yes….but NEVER presume it. We can’t read anyone’s soul.
How many true saints had to pass through purgatory first before their sanctification/Heaven, like the most holy St. Claude De La Colombrire, and if they were robbed of the heartfelt prayers at their funeral, which combined with power of the Mass makes the prayers at this Mass most powerful, their purgatory, through our fault, was much longer.
But reality is, most of the Catholic/Christians today haven’t grown so much in faith to where they are any different from any of the other lukewarm faithful. Tragically most of the faithful have lived such lukewarm lives, they are the ones who need the MOST grace to convert them at the moment of their death so to Live.
But from the presumption of salvation or insinuating the dead are saved during their funeral Mass that causes a vast many souls to loose the prayers they need to help save them. Yes, a great lack of fervent prayers for the dead, which is what would have truly helped (loved) the dead has been lost. Sadly, we don’t know how to love others; we are self absorbed.
We so greatly want to think that our loved one is Heaven, we will do all we can to justify how that is so, to ease our pain, but that doesn’t help the dead, who are most likely, unless they receive fantastic heartfelt prayers (much grace), from begging for mercy and from changing our lives into becoming saints (so our prayers for them can be greatly effective), are going to be suffering in the eternal fire.
This is simply the truth…a truth we must accept if we want to sincerely save souls, since most souls today haven’t lived the Catholic faith correctly during their lives…they have not spent their lives being transformed from to grace to grace towards becoming true self-sacrificing saints and have died far short of becoming true saints. They need to come to know this, so they can repent for a life wasted…if they are to be saved.
Therefore, the funeral Mass is truly for the dead…to send bounds of grace to help them, who can benefit from the grace, to assist in saving their souls (at their death) or to help move them from purgatory (if they were so blessed to obtain a saving faith during their time prior to death) to move them to Life.
However this grace isn’t sent, if we don’t offer the Mass for the dead correctly–seeking God’s mercy for the soul knowing they need it.
The devil doesn’t want the power from the funeral Mass to save souls, so he has tricked us into presuming people’s salvation. But remember, we can’t read anyone’s soul.
The Mass should never be preached and/or celebrated declaring someones sanctity (that they are in Heaven) or even Purgatory. That might make the living feel good (with misguided love), but that does nothing for the dead. No matter how holy of a life we believe they have lived, the Mass isn’t the time for an eulogy either. Everything we do must be for the salvation of souls…for the living and the dead.
Professing someone already in Heaven is the worst thing we can do for the dead.
The celebrant and people attending should desire to move each others hearts so greatly, to pray so ardently for the deceased–to truly love them–to help save and purify them–so they will desire to flood Heaven with prayers on their behalf, to send our beloved dead the grace they may need for Eternal Life. This is what love really is….caring for the salvation of another.
Please don’t be deceived and rob a soul of the grace God wants to give them by declaring how wonderful they are and not including how much they need our love: our prayers and sacrifices to move their imperfect sinful soul to Life.
What a horror for a soul to die (go to Hell) because we never wholeheartedly prayed for them; we just assumed they were saints in Heaven, when in reality, they were far from it and needed our real love (heart felt prayers).
Other Ways To Help the Dead
To console the grieving, we want to give them wonderful ways they can continue to help the one they love. Outside of praying the wonderful funeral Mass, there are other ways we can help the dead too.
How do we help the dead?:
- Pray…when we “pray” for the dead, we can’t have just some nice or sad thoughts about them. That isn’t praying. That does nothing for them. But we need to truly pour out our hearts to God begging Him to send His mercy (grace) to deceased at the moment of their death, so they can instantly grow in faith to have at least perfect contrition (true sorrow) for their life time of offences against Him, so they can embrace God’s saving forgiving mercy and go before God during judgement with all their guilt removed and only needing the fires of Purgatory to purify and atone for their sins.
- Implore others to pray…when we inform others of our loved ones passing, people will naturally say, “Oh, I will pray for you and your loved one.” But really how many of them are actually going to pray even a half-hearted prayer? How many even know how to truly pray (humbly)? Sure God hears all of our prayers, but the more humbly (knowing our great need for God’s mercy) we pray, the greater grace will be sent, because our pride isn’t blocking God’s love.Therefore, we need to encourage others to pray correctly, even if they say they are or will pray or are at a funeral, by saying, “Since we are all sinners in great need of Mercy and know of the great power that comes from heartfelt, humble prayer, let us all gather together, as true Catholics do, with our hearts of great love for ____________, and beg the good Lord to give great grace to her/him, so she/he can accept God’s forgiving and atoning mercy for her/his life time of sins and embrace God’s merciful love, so she/he can live in blissful peace with God in Heaven forever.”
We simply can’t pretend like we don’t sin….that the dead isn’t a sinner in need of mercy…that we are all saved and happy with Christ in Heaven, or all the blessings that could have been used for the conversion of the dead and the living will be lost. We must love someone enough to speak the truth…and seek real, humble prayers that will truly help their souls.
We want to help others to prevent their loved one from spending their eternity suffering, so we console them by teaching them what they can do to really love them, by teaching them about God’s mercy for the dying, how our prayers after they have died can benefit them during the moment of their death.
We want to guide the grieving to love the dead by encouraging them to PRAY, FAST, SACRIFICE and SUFFER so the grace from our love–like Christ loves–can be sent to them at the moment of their death to hopefully hasten them towards an Eternity with Christ. We want to inspire them to change their life–leave their sins and sanctify their souls–which will make their prayers and sacrifices that much more powerful (since our pride won’t be blocking God’s grace)…and it will also help with the salvation of their own soul as well.
This is how we truly love others.
More We Can Do for the Dead:
Sacrifice…we can make any sacrifice during our day and offer that grace to be sent to our loved one. We can make big sacrifice or little ones, but no sacrifice will be of any value if the person making the sacrifices still wants to live in their life of sin (if they don’t want to leave all of their sins and become a true saint). The person who sacrifices but doesn’t even want to truly hate their sins is committing abomination of love, not a sacrifice of love. They aren’t loving God, but hoping to get something from God while still wanting to abuse God (sin).
Yes, if we really want to love someone, the way Christ has loved us, then we want to encourage the grieving and their friends to PRAY with all of their heart for their loved one (the dead)….so grace can be sent to them at the moment of their death, so they can be among the few who are saved.
We want to encourage them to be concerned with the salvation of their loved one, not with themselves or anything else, just with truly loving the one they lost by seeking all means possible to SEND THEM GRACE. And the more ferverently we can encourage others to pray, the better.
Now how can we say this in a way that is gentle, but truthful…that will truly inspire the grieving to love the one they lost, and not bring rejection of the faith, despair or anger…when they will probably be focused on loving themselves…looking for ways to care and sooth themselves with their loss.
How do we love like Christ during such a tender time in ones life? Well, we pray, ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and do the best we can…focusing on saving souls. Sure we might error, but all God wants is our best…we can only assume what someone needs or can hear by what little information we are given. Each person needs to be spoken to according to what they can handle, what they know, and what they can do…but always with the truth.
Consoling someone by speaking about how a soul is now free of their pain and happy with God in Heaven, is a horrible lie that is the ruiner of souls (it doesn’t motivate others to pray but strips the dead of the prayers they should have received), and the creator of horrid lukewarm living by destroying our fear of the Lord (fear of sin) by removing the horrid consequences of sin living…giving them a false hope that all are saved, when most die lost suffering from presumption of salvation.
The grieving, who are now weak and looking for answers and/or help, need the truth spoken to them more than ever…but it needs done differently with each person according to their ability to understand…or we can hurt them and turn them a way from God, not help them.
“The fear of the Lord leads to Life” (Proverbs 19:23).
Truly, we can’t read someone’s soul. If we profess we can, we are lying. If we profess there are no deadly consequences for living a life of sin, we are not only a liar but a “fool” (Matthew 7:26). We are the blind leading the blind. Oh, what condemnation awaits us!
“If a blind person leads a blind person, both will fall into a pit.” (Matthew 15:14).
Lying doesn’t help anyone, no matter how much we want to comfort another…this false truth hurts others GREATLY.
Telling someone their loved one is saved might put a smile on someone’s face and make them comforted for a moment, but it really leads them away from Christ and to their death…a death we will be responsible for (at least partially) from preaching a lie.
As much as we would like to think that everyone is in Heaven or saved after we die, that simply isn’t true. Therefore, we can’t profess it is.
The Word says: “How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few” (Matthew 7:14). “‘Lord, will only a few people be saved?” He answered them, “Strive to enter through the narrow door, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough [for they lack a saving faith]…there will be wailing and grinding of teeth when you see Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God and you yourselves cast out (Luke 13:24-28).”‘ This salvation of ours that we want simply isn’t obtainable to everyone…sadly, “few” make it. This is the truth.
“It is certain that few are saved.” –St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church
If we don’t want to preach this truth, we hate fear of the Lord; yes, we are haters of the Truth…we think the truth hurts, and we are very lost and leading others on the path of the lost too. Tragic!
When we lie to God’s children to calm and/or comfort them…that pushes them away from God by removing the Truth. The truth saves. Telling someone “God has called their loved one into Heaven” simply isn’t the truth. When we die, we are called into judgement…not Heaven.
We don’t know what happens after judgment. Only those who die as true saints are welcomed into Heaven when we die. Those FEW saved, who are blessed to have accepted God’s saving mercy and received complete forgiveness of every sin but aren’t sanctified (haven’t atoned for their life time of sins), go to Purgatory, but the rest of us–as the Word says, the majority–reject God for sin and go into the eternal fires.
“The world…[is] dragging the majority of men into the pit of perdition [Hell].”
–St. John Eudes
This is the truth The Word and the saints preach. They don’t preach it to hurt us, but to try to save us. Why do we preach a different doctrine? Have we been deceived?
“The Spirit explicitly says that in the last times some will turn away from the faith by paying attention to deceitful spirits and demonic instructions through the hypocrisy of liars” (1 Timothy 4:1).
Of course, when someone is grieving, we aren’t to try to dig the nail of loss deeper into them…so there is a correct way to comfort without lying, with the truth, that leaves the mourning with real hope and peace, but still gives or maintains the blessed fear of the Lord, which is needed for Eternal Life…and gives souls a real means to help their loved ones, which I will speak about this, correct way to speak, in this article.
Therefore, since we can’t read souls, truly, we can’t judge whether any individual is in Hell, Heaven or Purgatory; we simply don’t know the state of anyone’s soul at their death. That kind of judgement must be left up to God.
We should know, all lies lead to death. “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord” (Proverbs 12:22). Sadly, much of the time we steer people away from the truth, because it is painful, but the truth was meant to lead them to “fear of the Lord” and Life, but instead we led them onto the path of doom, which is one of complacency with sin and presumption of salvation through our lie. Yet, the truth and “fear of the Lord” is needed to Live.
Everyone must understand there are real consequences to our sins: on earth, in Purgatory and in Hell, which is the very first step we need to understand to begin to walk towards obtaining a saving faith. If we forfeit the first step, there is no hope of obtaining the rest of the consecutive steps needed to grow into the saving faith God wants to give us. By omitting the Truth–the first step–we aren’t helping souls; we are killing them. To learn more please read, “What Are the Requirements of Salvation.”
We don’t have to lie. There are other things–truthful, yet comforting things we can say that leads to Life.
Teach the Truth
To teach us Fear of the Lord–to fear sin and it’s consequences on earth and forever–sometimes God will allow the one we love to die, as God has shown us over and over again in the Bible.
“But if you do evil [sin], be afraid, for it does not bear the sword without purpose; it is the servant of God to inflict wrath on the evildoer” (Romans 13:4).
Of course, we are not to preach this truth to the grieving directly, unless they point out God enlightening them to this reality-then we must concur this possibility. But, for most, that can be too much for them to take in and at the wrong time.
We must guide the grieving to hope in God’s mercy to save their loved one, with a more gentile truth, as is appropriate for their hurt heart, as I will explain.
However, teaching there are consequences to sin–brings fear of the Lord–which needs to be constantly and clearly addressed, especially to the grieving, since most have lost this understanding and/or need constant reminders that our sins do have great consequences so to stay motivated and seek God’s mercy to avoid and stop sinning so to hopefully save a few. But yet, what is needed for Eternal Life, the devil has convinced most to never preach. Tragic!
Soften Hearts Hear
When someone is grieving it is a wonderful time in someone’s life, since they are most likely much more humble now than ever before and more open to listening with ears that can hear. This is their chance to really find God. This could be a great time for conversion, if we allow God to use us as instruments of TRUTH.
Anytime of great need in one’s life is a most fantastic opportunity for God to draw someone close to Him. During great suffering and sadness is when our pride drops and we are more open to hear God speaking to us. This time of suffering is when most souls are given the gift of “fear of the Lord,” if they aren’t directed away from it.
Therefore, when we make the mistake and tell others that everyone goes to Heaven or Purgatory when they die (saying they are saved), we are stripping them of the truth, removing God from speaking through us and giving them no reason to amend their life.
“Trustworthy witness does not lie” (Proverbs 14:5), because we bring God’s children to Him through the loving but hard TRUTH.
Stating every Christian is saved, doesn’t give the grieving real hope in God’s mercy, but it actually gives them false hope and only deceives them into thinking they can live life however they want, contrition or not, and still live forever in Heaven just like everyone else…but that just isn’t the truth.
Only those who grow in faith to come to truly detest each and every sin they have ever committed, and have obtained true sorrow (prefect contrition) for even the smallest offence against Perfect Goodness, can accept God’s saving grace and Live in eternal bliss with Christ. This is the truth that saves. And this kind of contrition is oh, so hard to obtain. To learn more please read, “What is True Sorrow.”
“Thy death will not save me, if I do not do my part and detest every evil, and have true sorrow for the sins I have committed against Thee.”
–St. Alphonosus, Doctor of the Church
We must repent and change to Live. We can’t accept God’s forgiving saving mercy if aren’t truly sorry for our sins. If we don’t mature in our faith to obtain true sorrow for our life time of sin we reject God’s mercy since we still have a liking for sin. A lie doesn’t guide anyone to seek God’s mercy to grow in faith to come to truly hate our sins; it doesn’t love; it HURTS.
“Only in truth does charity shine forth, only in truth can charity be authentically lived.”
–St. Teresa Benedicta
When we suffer, whether it is a death, great sickness, or other tragedy, for many, that is the time we re-evaluate our life and open up our souls to hear the truth. We can finally see how short life is and begin to question our own mortality. What are we living for…this fleeting world or salvation? This is a most wonderful gift from God!
Oh, how many saints left a life of sin through this wonderful cross. The cross is a blessing of great measure for us lost souls. If we don’t teach souls how to run from it.
However, we also know many who have suffered, who didn’t choose to find God’s love and have chosen a different path, a path that has “lead to anguish, self-absorption, sometimes even despair and revolt against God” (CCC # 501).
God calls us to help deliver these souls from this path of death with the TRUTH too. God wants to heal the grieving and lost hearts, and a lie can’t do that.
We must direct the grieving to Him with the truth–not away from Him. If the truth turns someone away from God, that is their free will choice to abandon God, but at least we were pleasing to God. However, if someone, leaves the truth, and believes a lie because of our sin, we are both guilty but the teacher is much more guilty in God’s eyes.
The truth is what saves…even if the truth seems more hurtful than a lie, the truth is the only Way.
If spoken properly, the truth provides the suffering with true knowledge and real hope for their loved one. It gives them something real they can do to love the one they lost, plus provides comfort and trust in God’s plan for true peace now and for eternity.
Nobody deserves to be lied to…we all deserve to be led to the Light, even if it is hard for us to say. Everyone’s Eternal Life must be the greatest concern, not if we are keeping friends and people blindly happy with us. Oh, what servants of God are we if we can’t preach the truth!
“The truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
Don’t Lie – Hope in Mercy
So, how can we preach this truth and not bring souls into despair?
Really, it is easy. Sure each situation is different but the truth is the same.
Frankly, the people want the truth…they are carving it. Deep in their conscience they know everyone doesn’t go to Heaven. That is one of the reasons many are so unsettled upon someones death. They know there are consequences to sin. So, it isn’t very hard to teach it, if we don’t allow the devil to scare us into lying.
With each situation, God wants us to love one another differently. We need to ask ourselves what God wants us to do to love and comfort another in their time of need.
All people handle loss differently, and each person has a different amount of attachment to people whom we lose. Different kinds of people die and for different reasons and under different circumstances. But the one fact remains, God wants everyone in Heaven, which is very consoling. So even though we don’t fully know why God allows what He allows, we know God intends to make it good if we allow Him….even death.
The only reason we live is to die…so to spend eternity with Christ. All of the things we think we live for are just distractions from the main goal–God.
So our goal is to guide everyone to do what they can, to implore God for mercy, to help their loved one to obtain Heaven…which in turn will help them obtain Heaven too.
But we absolutely can't leave out preaching fear of the Lord--that there are real life time and eternal consequences to sin.
Actually, it is in fearing eternal death for their loved one that will motive someone to greatly seek God’s mercy for their loved one’s soul.
We know this is true. How many of us pray for our loved ones, but when tragedy befalls them, we don’t just pray….we pray with all of our heart begging God for mercy on their behalf. Therefore, when we have a real reason to pray, like from the fear of eternal doom for our loved one, people will sincerely pray for the dead and from the sincerity of their hearts, really help them.
By denying the mourning the truth, we are removing their motivation to fervently pray–robbing them of fear of the Lord–and most likely responsible for sending their loved ones to eternal doom. What is more horrific than that? What condemnation awaits us? All because, we lied and the grace they needed from their loved one’s fervent prayers was never obtained. Absolutely tragic!
You see, since God isn’t conformed to time and space, He looks into the past, present and the future and collects all of the grace from all the prayers ever prayed for the dying’s behalf and sends that grace to dying at the moment of their death. Our Lord does this to help move the dying from some sorrow for their sins (some faith) into obtaining true sorrow (true faith in Jesus/true hatred for sin), so they can gain a sorrow so great–a hatred for sin so true–they would rather suffer anything than offend God again by a slight offence.
Out of great love for us, even after a life time of us not correctly seeking God or growing in faith and even mostly rejecting Him, we can still have a chance to be saved at the very moment of our death. But tragically because the grace sent at this hour is still too little to move a hardened heart into a contrite one, most still reject all that grace and still unknowingly choose to cling to their sins instead of God. Horrible!
However, great prayer, fasting and sacrifice, from a heart of great faith, can change all of that. Therefore, we must pray and pray hard for the dead, and grow in our personal faith so our prays, fasts and sacrifices can send wonderful grace to our loved ones. The more we grow in our own faith greater grace God can send to our loved ones through our acts of love and the greater grace the better.
Oh, the dying greatly need our help. It is very important we learn about the different kinds of sorrow there are and what TRUE sorrow really is so we can more fully understand the goal. Therefore, please read, “What is True Sorrow.”
But not only that, for the souls who died and have accepted God’s saving forgiving mercy (the saved), but those who still haven’t atoned for all of their life time of offences committed against God after their baptism –those who aren’t saints, who from God’s justice still haven’t paid the price for their sins, now need our wholehearted prayers to help hasten them out of the joyfully purifying, but painful, fires of Purgatory into Eternal Bliss with Christ. And our fervent prays from a heart of true faith can greatly benefit them.
As one can see, praying for the dead is how we truly love others.
Who Goes to Heaven When They Die
I touched on this a little before, but I want everyone to know more fully who we can reassure that their loved one is in Heaven, and who we need to inform that they must pray and pray fervently to God for their loved one so they can have greater hope in accepting God’s saving mercy when they died.
Those who go to Heaven immediately upon death:
- All baptized babies born or unborn (if their parents or someone else desires them to be baptized- if they have received baptism by desire);
- All baptized young children who are not mature enough to have full knowledge of right from wrong and haven’t committed their first true sin;
- Anyone baptized, who is mentally ill or a mentally handicapped person, who has never in their life had full consent of their choices and full knowledge of right from wrong.
- All true self-sacrificing saints, true Christians, who have left the pleasures of the world and all sin–and from God’s grace now truly hates the world and sin, never habitually chooses to sin but habitually loves God and have spent their life serving God for the salvation of souls through love of the cross. Yes, those who have atoned for their life time of sins (committed after baptism), they now have nothing to judge…since they died with perfect contrition for their sins too, which accepts God’s saving forgiving mercy for all their sins, and they loved God so greatly, they paid the price for their life time of sins (removed the stain of sin on their souls) through the joy of suffering for love of Him. Yes, these are surely saved.
- Also, if someone found God within himself, who never had come to know Jesus and was never baptized but grew greatly in faith from the knowledge God places within each of us, if he truly grew to hate every sin and died with true love for God and true contrition for his life of sin, and spent his life growing in such love and developed a willingness to suffer for his life of sin so to love God and help others come to love God and atoned for all his crimes against God, then he too would be welcomed into Heaven upon death, since the grace to obtain this kind of faith was given to him from Christ and he died having a desire for baptism in his heart (even if he didn’t even know of it) from his true love for God. But of course this is practically impossible to happen unless we have God’s unfathomable help (grace) from the sacraments in His Church since we are such sinful people.
However everyone else, which is practically all of us, who has something to judge, goes to judgement before our Almighty God and receives our due punishment…
“For we shall all stand before the judgement seat of God” (2 Corinthians 5:10).
Even young children, who do know right from wrong and have free willingly committed at least one sin, that hasn’t been forgiven and/or atoned for have something to judge, since even the slightest sin is of infinite offence to Our Infinitely Perfect God. If a young child, who hasn’t obtained enough grace to be TRULY sorry for their sins, they are guilty of lacking contrition for offending God, which is deserving of infinite punishment, which means they can’t be welcomed ever into Heaven.
This might sound cruel and unfair, but if we really understood God’s justice and His mercy, we would understand why it must be this way.
Truly, even babies who have’t been baptized are still guilty of original sin and can’t be welcomed into Heaven…and for eternity they will be without the love and presence of God as a consequence of us not baptizing them.
Yes, God holds us responsible to not only guide others to Life, so others gain knowledge of how to obtain salvation, but He also calls us to see to it God’s children remove the consequence of original sin, through receiving God’s free gift of eternal Life (saving grace) by baptism or our sins (original and actual) will eternal effect each other.
To learn about the contrition we need to obtain to accept God’s forgiving mercy please read, “What is True sorrow” also to come to understand the horror of one slight sin, please read Lifting Our Values book, “How to Obtain Perfect Contrition.”
Sure God judges us all fairly according to what was given to us, but if we have one sin not-forgiven upon our death, we are damned for eternity, since we have rejected God’s perfect forgiveness for our sin. This is the truth.
Therefore, we need to pray and pray greatly for our loved ones so they can accept God’s mercy He sends to each dying person, trying to save them….since eternal judgement awaits.
But if we, from God’s mercy, were so blessed to grow in understanding of our great sinfulness and obtain a truly contrite heart upon our death for all of our horrific offences committed against Our Savior, we will be welcomed into Eternal Paradise. To learn more please read, “How to Save the Soul of Someone Dying.”
Examples of What to Say to the Grieving
A lot of us can’t handle reality, so we will and come up with a jillion lies to make reality bearable for ourselves instead of doing something to make reality better. We are self absorbed. But we don’t want to be that way.
Therefore, when God calls us to speak to the grieving, we want to appropriately educate others with the truth and give them what they can do to implore God’s mercy to make reality better.
There are many reasons why someone would tell us that their loved one died. But the reason we want to speak to help console them correctly are:
- looking for self-pity
- looking to verify that their loved one is in Heaven
- looking for help to bear the loss
- looking for someone to talk to
- looking for prayers for themselves
- looking for prayers for their loved one
These are the opportunities God provides us with where we have a window of opportunity to be disciples of The Truth to help save souls. But what we are we to say?
For example: someone comes to us and says “My mother just died.” We say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Now that is the typical response, which is fine, since of course someone will miss the one they love. But what else should we do?
Nothing? Or should we try to bring the grieving soul to Life? Well sometimes the person who lost the one they love will want to talk and just begin telling you